remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
4 words: hood of his car
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I had to cum in my sink.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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