puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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