Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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