At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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