forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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