of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
