She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
