on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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