arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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