I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
