party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can text with my tongue
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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