we're blogging at a bar
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
