I'm drive I can fine osifer
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
