My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
