So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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