So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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