i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
