you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
