If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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