DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
