Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
