Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
