never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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