My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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