um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
