I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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