Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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