we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
