The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
