2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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