New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
