Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
