He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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