He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
