We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
