So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
