Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize