I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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