the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
