addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
