8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
