i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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