her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
