I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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