dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
