I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
