Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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