I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will be naked everywhere
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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