You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
