I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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