She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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