His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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