i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
