so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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