wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
