I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize