I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize