I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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