Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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