Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
