Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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