Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
