ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
