what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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