And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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