I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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