you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
