just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
