Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we made out on top of his cat.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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