i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
