I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
