So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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