You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
